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This piece of writing is about my experiences of international and inter-racial dating. It is simply an account of what I have witnessed and experienced myself over the course of my life so far, although at 55 years old, I am nearer the end of it than the beginning. It is my guidance on dealing with an international or inter-racial relationship.

It all began at an early age when I was in infant school at seven. There was a Filipina girl in our class and I could not take my eyes off her, although I probably did not know much about it then. We parted at eight when they moved closer to another school and I never saw her again.

My next encounter with a foreign girl, was the mademoiselle junior teacher at school and I was convinced that I would marry a French country girl when I grew up. That passed when the German assistant arrived.

When I was fourteen, I went on a school cruise to Leningrad and there was a party of exchange students going home to Sweden on the same ship. I went out with one of them for roughly a week and first noticed the issues that can come from international dating. There was a slight language barrier, but it was fun getting over that. The real difficulty came, because I had preconceived ideas of what Swedish girls were like, most likely instilled in me after years of silly 'Carry On' films.

At sixteen, I went to Germany to work for the summer and I found it very easy to get on with the German girls, although they were shyer that I was expecting too. Also an outlook I owed to silly Health and Efficiency 'sex films'.

After finishing university, I moved to The Netherlands to live. It was the seventies and Dutch girls were great. However, I made friends with male British colleagues first and soon saw some of the issues that can come from an international relationship. Most of the men I knew were typical Brits and made totally no attempt to learn Dutch at all. Surprisingly, many Dutch people could not speak English either, particularly the parents.

This lead to a surprising quantity of tense moments in a week and that put a lot of pressure on my friends' relationships. It is so easy to start name-calling when you are angry and it is the worst thing you can do. The Dutch girlfriend or her parents or friends would be called 'a stupid cheese eater' or something equally daft and the relationship was over or in trouble for days. I do not recall what the Dutch called us.

I promised myself there and then never to get serious about a foreign girl because the arguments were just too much. Food was never a problem. Culture was not much of a problem, although where I was in southern Netherlands, most people were Catholic and I am not. This did perplex some parents but not me. Travelling was always going to be the drawback. Do you live by her parents or yours? In particular when children start arriving. Most countries have stronger family ties than Britain.

Then, at 50, having never been married, I went to Thailand, where I met my wife-to-be. Asian culture is very different from British or even European society and it is a real shock to both parties. Anyway, five years into our relationship and we are still fine. I recollect the reasons I gave myself for not marrying abroad when in The Netherlands and I was incorrect, but not much.

If you are going to enter into an international or even inter-racial relationship, you had better learn how to control your anger. It is the most important advice you will ever get. Being understanding of other points of view is important too, but not getting angry is more important. Furthermore, you must try to learn something about your partner's land, background and language, otherwise you cannot join in any discussion your partner may have with someone who does know a bit about it.

I have never seen religion be a problem ever, except in an argument. My wife is Buddhist and I am not. We talk about it, but there is never any stress. Food, again I have never seen a problem in this field. Clothing, again no problem in my life. If you get into an international or inter-racial relationship, keep your temper, do not shout, do not get angry and talk things out calmly.

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When you go on a date with someone there are certain things you should or should not do and certain ways you should behave. Of course you want the person to get to know you, so, first off, you oughtn't attempt to be someone that you are not.

When you go out on a date you ought to look clean and dress smartly. This will demonstrate to the other person, not only that you care about your the way you look, but that you also care about what they think about you. After all, If you don't care about what the other person thinks, then you probably shouldn't be going out on a date with them in the first place, should you?

This suggestion really depends on the person you are taking out. It applies more to a man dating a woman, obviously, but some women don't like having doors opened for them either. You will have to play it by ear. I think that the best guidance I can offer, is that you should remember to open the car doors and all doors for that matter (except the washroom door) for your date, unless you are told or you sense otherwise.

A lot of younger women might say they wouldn't judge a man by his door-opening behavior, but I think it does form a beneficial part of the overall picture she will be building up of you. However, if the woman you are going out with is an obvious feminist, then you had better let her open the doors for herself – just let her get on with it or it might trouble her. She might also want to pay for her own meal, but that's not a bad thing is it?

Make sure that you punctual. Be there when you say you will be there to pick her up and be ready to pay for the entire date. It might not come to that, she may buy a drink or two, but you can't rely on it, so slip a credit card in your wallet too. Better safe than sorry and you don't want to have walk home., would you?

So, that brings us conveniently to the next point, which is, don't take your date somewhere you cannot pay for because you never want to find yourself asking your date for money to cover the bill, unless you don't aspire to see her again.

Another part of dating etiquette also relates to not making the other person feel as if they are at an interview. It is all too familiar for people on a date to ask too many questions because they want to get to know the other person quickly. However, how would you feel, if you were asked twenty questions between every course or drink? It is well-intentioned, but annoying. It is far better to have, say, half-a-dozen interesting, non-personal questions that you can discuss at more length.

If you push them too far, if you get too personal too quickly, you may frighten them off. Just try to generate a comfortable atmosphere by being considerate and yourself.

Owen Jones, the author of this article writes on several subjects, but is currently involved with Handheld Bug Zapper devices. If you would like to know more, please go to our website at Indoor Bug Zapper

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